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Being in a Triad | Our Prairie Nest
Being in a Triad

A lot of people think being in a triad (or throuple, as some folks call it) must be hot. Like, super, scorching hot. And it is incredibly hot… but not for the reasons you might think.

First of all, I’m not going to talk about my sex life, so no worries (but, yes, I’m happier than I’ve ever been with it, thanks to polyamory). Second, I don’t want anyone who reads my blog for the genealogical content to be put off by this. But I would like to share a few things because we can always use more polyamory-positive voices.

Many people wonder how polyamorous relationships “work” and I have to say that I never thought I would find myself in one. My attitude toward them used to be, “It’s not my thing, but I think it should be a thing and I’m glad it is, because we’re all different.” So I’ve always been poly-friendly anyway. In fact, I wanted an open marriage the first time around, however my ex believed in imposing an OPP (poly definition: one penis policy), and that doesn’t work for me.

I come from a privileged background, insofar as I’ve never had to be in the closet for any reason, including my religion (Pagan) or my sexual orientation (pansexual). I’ve had romantic attractions to and involvement with people of various genders, and I am also strongly kink-oriented.

Now that we got the what I am out of the way, let’s talk about who I’m with and why I love it so much. Again, what makes a triad wonderful might not be what you expect.

I have two male partners/significant others. If you’ve fallen in love, you know it’s equal parts terrifying and exhilarating. Being in love with more than one person is tricky, unless you dig into and embrace ethical non-monogamy, and commit to relationships that are fair to everyone involved.

What do I love so much about this relationship? It gives me an added sense of security, the knowledge that I have the emotional support of two partners, not just one. There’s something inexplicably freeing about know I have this polycule to support me with all this love. It’s as simple as that.

This, of course, is what makes any romantic relationship wonderful, regardless of whether it’s monogamous or not. I also lean a little bit toward relationship anarchy, because it’s a mindset that I can get behind – almost fitting in to the Heroine’s Journey archetype, where the main character of the story develops a support system that helps her accomplish what needs to get done.

My nesting partner (the person to whom I am married) is NOT more important than my other partner/significant other. This isn’t hierarchical and one partner does not take priority over another. Instead, we take everything as it comes, giving support and love and attention to each other always, but if someone is having a bad day or big challenge, we’re there for them. And since we all face bad days, big challenges, and more, so our “turns” all come.

So if you were anticipating some big, special revelation about why being poly is fantastic, I’m sorry to let you down. What makes this relationship so hot is how loved, supported, and protected I feel by the other people in it.

We also have different things to offer each other in the relationship. Each of my significant others has different qualities that I value. One is more introverted and pensive than the other. One is a more complementary foil for my playfulness. And, yes, one of them is also into genealogy. Lucky me! Yes, sexual compatibility is important, too, and those bases are definitely covered here.

I am also protective of both of my significant others, perhaps because I’m the dominant person in the relationship(s). However, the main thing that makes my triad so hot is knowing that they are both here for me, and each other. There are many relationship paradigms and dynamics,. As long as the dynamic you are in is loving and supportive, as well as fair and ethical to you and the other people involved, then that is what matters. <3

Summer Update | Our Prairie Nest
Summer Update

It’s late summer and I’m melting. I decided I’m not going to continue with 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks, because I wasn’t having much fun with it. The writing prompts are handy, but not my cup of tea at the moment.

I’ve also decided to take a step back from being as active on WikiTree, due to some concerns about leadership. Specifically, how leadership treats those of us in the LGBTQIAP community. A few months ago, a member asked about reporting a project leader for making homophobic comments/statements toward them, and then that same member disappeared from the WikITree Discord server. I don’t know exactly what transpired but I know that, regardless of my sexual orientation, I’m not okay with it.

So I guess this is just a little update on where this blog/site is going. I will certainly be sharing more genealogy. In fact, I have something I’m working on right now, but it’s going to take some time to put my thoughts together. Also, the heat does my head in, so that’s not fun.

There are plenty of other things I want to share and talk about, but I’ll get to them. Right now, I need to slow down, recover, and then move forward from there. Honestly, I feel a bit like I’m screaming into the void anyway, but I always hope someone will find something useful here someday. 😀

52 Ancestors, Week 20: Textile
52 Ancestors, Week 20: Textile

Although this week’s topic for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is textile, I’m going to talk about something that technically isn’t a textile, but does require fabric to make. 

When I was a teenager, my Nana (mother’s mother) taught me how to cross-stitch. While I don’t have any family examples of textiles, quilts, or cross-stitches, I have plenty of my work. This is the oldest piece by me, probably done almost 30 years ago when I was 18:

More recent cross-stitched pieces I’ve done have been for my friends, partners, and self to enjoy:

This is one of my favorite hobbies. I feel like the best time of year to sit down and cross-stitch is in the winter. There is something cozy about curling up on the sofa with some handiwork and watching a movie or binge-watching a TV series while I stitch all these tiny Xs.

It may not be the most interesting post or about my ancestors, but I wouldn’t have this skill if not for my Nana teaching me. I taught both my son and daughter to cross-stitch, and even though it doesn’t seem to have held their interest, I’m glad I at least introduced them to it.

52 Ancestors Week 19: Food and Drink | Our Prairie Nest
52 Ancestors, Week 19: Food & Drink

Food and drink aren’t something I’ve heard much about when it comes to my ancestors. However, I have plenty of memories of food thanks to my father and paternal grandparents.

My dad wasn’t much of a cook. I don’t know if he just didn’t know how to cook or found it easier to keep everything simple as a single dad raising two children on his own. Maybe it was a little of both, because Dad made basic things like baked chicken, ground beef, hamburgers, hotdogs, or pork chops, always with rice and corn or green beans on the side. Sometimes he made spaghetti or got us pizza from our favorite place, Papa Gino’s in Bridgewater, Massachusetts. When we got a crock pot, Dad was excited for the different recipes he could make, but he invariably always made pork chops or chili.

We went to my grandparents’ house on Sundays, holidays, and birthdays for lunch/dinner, and they tended to cook simple food, as well. Most of the time, we had pot roast with potatoes and a vegetable on the side. Sometimes, we had American chop suey, which I hated as child. Absolutely hated! I also refused to eat pasta with tomato sauce on it, because I hate tomatoes. To this day, I still see tomatoes as the enemy (to me, they taste like stale bread and old beer had a baby). But I somehow got over my dislike of tomato sauce and now American chop suey is a comfort food that reminds me of my grandparents.

They also made our birthday cakes. I don’t know if they made them from scratch or a box of Betty Crocker mix. I think probably the latter, because the taste of the mixes is one I’ve always preferred. I know, it sounds weird, but cake made from scratch is never as sweet and I just don’t like it nearly as much as cake that comes from a mix. In the summer, my grandparents would also make chicken salad and potato salad for holidays like Memorial Day and Independence Day. I miss those salads, though I didn’t really care for grapes being in the chicken salad. Sometimes, I’ll buy potato salad from the deli. I admit I’m too lazy to make it myself!

The food I associate with Thanksgiving is completely connected to what my grandparents served year after year. As far as I’m concerned, Thanksgiving dinner should consist of turkey, butternut squash, mashed potatoes, green beans (not as a casserole), and cornbread. I don’t like cranberry sauce, but I can’t imagine a Thanksgiving without serving that or cranberry nut bread. You won’t see me eat cornbread at any other time of year. For me, cornbread is very Thanksgiving-specific. I also refuse to serve macaroni and cheese for the holiday. It just doesn’t “go with” the meal that I grew up eating, but if someone else serves it, I will certainly eat it. 😉

As you can see, certain foods have really strong associations for me, thanks to my grandparents.